Raising America
by chris locke
Summary: So, America finds a baby. Yes, a baby. Nobody's sure where he got it, but now he has to raise it on his own. Well, not entirely on his own, seeing as the practically the whole world -kolkolkol- wants a say in how it grows up. Easy? Nope. Fun? We'll see...


_The title was inspired by the movie Raising Arizona. Which I recommend. I think you'll see why. _

...

Papers were stacked all over the desk in neat piles. England sat in a chair behind them, reading glasses perched lightly on his nose as he flipped through the pages of a file. The simple manila envelope was one of hundreds, if not thousands, that he'd had to look through over the course of his career. It wasn't new, it wasn't special.

The phone rang just twice before England picked it up. His fingers closed around the handset, picking it up off of the receiver, and he brought it up to his ear. It was a completely normal motion; he did it more times a day than he could count. And, as usual, a voice like an explosion hit his ears the second he uttered a tentative, "Hello?"

This time, however, things were a bit different.

_"Hey, Artie!"_

There was no mistaking who the voice on the other side of the phone was. "Yes, hello America," England droned, turning another page of the large file and scanning down its length.

_"So, I know this is short notice and stuff, but I really, really need you to come down here. To my place."_

"And why is that?" England was used to such requests.

_"I kinda found something…and I don't know what to do with it…can you just come? Like, today?"_

"I'm busy."

_"You're always busy. Look, just today? I need your help."_

England paused. It wasn't often that America admitted to requiring someone else's help. "What for?"

_"I just…well…just trust me. It's kind of awesome and I think you'll like it,"_ America's voice came out a bit hesitantly, the last part probably meant to sound very tantalizing. England sighed, flipping to the next page in the file. The section of the budget going into education this year was going to be different, and it was going to make financial matters more complicated in order to allow for the manufacturing sector's most recent demands. It was all quite irritating.

"I'll bet it's wonderful. I have lots of work to do, however, so I won't be able to make it. I'm sure you'll manage. Goodbye."

_"Wait!"_ America sounded desperate now. _"How about I bring it there instead? It's kind of important, you know? Please? Pleeease?"_

England set the folder on the desk and closed his eyes. For a moment he stayed that way before sighing sharply. "Fine. Do as you wish."

_"Yes!_"

England said a hasty goodbye to America and hung up. This too wasn't something new to him. He was used to America's schemes and horrible ideas, and this was looking to be no different. Meanwhile, he had many more folders to look through before the day was out and he needed to start working on them immediately. The conversation with America left his mind as quickly as it had come as he picked up the tenth or eleventh file that day, opening it and looking at whatever the people in his country were asking for _this_ time.

It was only a few hours later when there was a knock on his door.

"Yes, come in," England called, setting down the last of the files he had to review for the day. Work like that which he'd had to do today was almost intolerably boring, and he was secretly a bit glad for the interruption.

The door creaked open, revealing America's head. He was looking uncharacteristically concerned, and England immediately wondered what the matter was. A moment later the rest of America's body slid through the partially-open door. He flashed an uneasy smile in England's direction.

"You got here fast," England mused, raising a thick eyebrow. America nodded rapidly.

"I know. It was kinda time-sensitive, if you get what I mean."

"Well, what is it?" England rested his head in his palm, sighing. America cleared his throat at the door, that same grin still on his face. It was horribly fake.

A moment later Canada's head popped through the crack in the door. He looked at England for a moment.

England sighed, rather irritated by now. "Just get on with it." There was a moment of hesitation before Canada stepped into the room completely.

He was carrying a baby.

A baby. England blinked. A _baby_. He blinked again. Canada was holding a baby. He blinked a third time. Then he looked up at America, completely bewildered.

"What is that?"

"Um…" America started sheepishly, "It's a baby."

And the whole situation connected in England's brain. He stared at the baby for a long while, trying to conjure up words, maybe anger. He only really had one thing to say about it, however.

"You stole a _baby_."

"I didn't steal it!" America sounded offended. "I just _found_ it."

"What, on the side of the road?" England asked incredulously, eyes widening as he realized that what Canada was holding was a real live _baby_, one that was _alive_ and _living _and where on _Earth_ could America have found it?

"I swear! It just kind of…you know…it just kind of happened," America tried to explain. The baby was sucking lightly on the tip of Canada's finger. "Anyway, I have it, and I thought that maybe you could…because you've done this kind of thing before…"

"No," England said firmly. "Absolutely not. This is your problem. I have nothing to do with this."

"Come on! I don't know what to do, Mattie doesn't know what to do, and we can't just, like, give it to someone!"

"This is not my responsibility, and I'm not obliged to help you."

America lunged forward, gripping the front of England's desk as he fell to his knees. "Please! I can't do this alone!"

"You have Canada to help you."

"You think he knows what to do?" America asked incredulously, eyes still wide. Canada shook his head, gently rocking the baby back and forth.

England sighed sharply. "I don't know how to take care of a baby either."

"But you took care of me when I was little, didn't you?" America asked, cocking his head to the side. England shook his head.

"I did. But you weren't nearly this young. You could walk and talk already…the most I can do is change a diaper."

"That's more than we know," America said, clasping his hands together in front of him. "You gotta at least try. For me." He glanced back. "For the baby."

There was a long silence. England stared at the child, lightly sleeping in Canada's arms. "Let me see it," he finally said, nodding toward the baby. Canada came forward, transferring the small bundle into the older man's arms. It was swaddled in a bath towel, a bright orange hunting hat safety-pinned to make a small cap.

Its eyes were closed lightly, soft face entirely unblemished. It didn't seem to be aware that it had probably been abandoned and then picked up by strangers. As England watched, America and Canada completely silent, the baby took a deep breath before breaking open into a tiny, squeaky yawn.

And England's heart melted.

The small head turned to the side, nuzzling into the man's chest. The corners of his mouth tugged up lightly and his entire stance changed. His arm curled protectively around the small figure, holding it securely in his arms.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" he asked tenderly, a hand coming up to cradle the baby's head. America and Canada looked at each other.

"Um…we don't know."

England immediately snapped out of his daze, looking up sharply at the two younger men. "You didn't _check_? A seven hour flight and you didn't _check_?"

"I dunno. That was one of the things we were hoping that you could…you know…"

That also meant that the baby's diaper hadn't been changed in God-only-knew how long. England wrinkled his nose, shooting America a stern look. "Since you're obviously incompetent I suppose I'll assist you. But only until you can find the baby's mother. Understood?"

"So you'll help?"

"Yes, that's what I said," England said irritably.

America nodded enthusiastically, a grin breaking out on his face. "I always wanted to be a Dad!" he cried, nearly jumping up and down in excitement. Canada sighed and shook his head in exasperation.

"Keep your voice down!" England hissed, but it was too late. The baby stirred, opening its eyes. For a moment all was still.

Then the baby's face contorted, an ear-splitting wail shooting from its mouth. England glared at America, who had apparently never seen this before. His eyes widened and his mouth formed an "o" as he stared at the crying child.

"How do you make it stop?" he asked, fascinated.

"Git," England muttered under his breath as he stood up, heading for the bathroom. He had a feeling his decision would be coming back to haunt him.

Oh, and it was a girl.

...

_Hey! This is kind of the intro to this story, so I hope you enjoy! This is a story idea I got one day and I decided to continue it...because it was just so awesome. I hadn't seen it anywhere else (not that I really looked). It came to me by an odd series of events, mostly triggered by the Sims. _

_You see, my sister was playing on a game I had created with a whole bunch of Hetalia characters. Because what's more fun than playing God to the whole Earth? Anyway, she had a very nice game going. And then, it was decided. She wanted them to adopt a baby. I came by and saw that she had made America adopt a young child, and now he, Russia, Japan, England and Italy were taking care of it. _

_It was the perfect idea for a fanfiction._

_So here this is! This will probably be more of a stress-reliever fic for me, so I can't promise chapter length or regularity of updates. I hope you like it anyway X3_

_Review if you like it so far! Reviews are like...imagine you're a gold-miner, down in the sweltering mines somewhere. You spend hours, days, weeks just chiseling through hard rock. Your back hurts. Your arms ache. You really, really need to pee. And then, as your pick slams into the wall, cracking away tiny chunks of black, THEN you see it! The beautiful glint of a revie-gold vein! And it's just so magnificent that you can't even express it in words, and all your hard work and effort is made worthwhile. Yeah. That's what reviews are like. Feel more compelled now?_


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